History of Magic Notes
by Junius
Summary: One-shot. How does Ron stay awake in History of Magic? By writing random notes… about Hermione, amongst other things…


**Author:** Junius

**Summary:** One-shot. How does Ron stay awake in History of Magic? By writing random notes… about Hermione, amongst other things…

**Notes:** This is something I do during lectures when I'm bored or tired and so I thought I'd turn it into a story. It's set sometime in OotP but I don't think there are any spoilers.

**Offer:** I'd like to offer my services as a beta-reader, should anyone need one. You might want to read my profile before emailing me, though!

**Disclaimer:** They belong to JK, not me, I just borrow them when I feel like it. It's a good deal!

History of Magic 

Must stay awake. Must stay awake. Must stay awake.

The only way I'm going to stay awake is if I distract myself. So I'm going to write whatever comes into my head. I'd pass a note to Harry, but I think he's fallen asleep. Yep, he definitely is, Seamus is charming his hair green and he hasn't even moved. Ooh, Hermione's glaring at him! Ha ha!

Dum de dum. Chudley Cannons rule! Must stay awake…

What is it about History of Magic that makes everybody want to sleep? It must be because it's so boring. It was fun at first, having a ghost for a teacher. But once you've thrown every movable object in the room through him at least twice, the novelty is just gone.

Must stay awake…

This really is such a waste of time, no matter what Hermione says. Am I ever going to need to know what Ulrich the Ugly did in 1846 that further destroyed wizard-goblin relationships? No! How the uneasy alliance between centaurs and wizards was first formed? No! What date the first house-elf was enslaved? No!

Oh no, that reminds me of spew, sorry, S.P.E.W. Hermione's been on about that again lately. Why she doesn't just give up I'll never know; nobody is interested. For someone so smart, she's sure being thick about that. I've tried telling her but all she does is snap at me. I'm just trying to help! Really!

Hmm… wizards don't seem to have a good history in their relationships. I mean, the goblins would betray us in a second, the centaurs hate us, we forced the house-elves to enjoy slavery… better not let Hermione see that or she'll think I agree with her. I don't want her following me around with her stupid knitting needles reciting all the reasons why house-elves are poor pathetic little creatures that deserve my sympathy and not my abuse. Really, those things she knits don't even look like hats. I bet they don't even release the house-elves. They probably just pick them up and throw them out with the rubbish.

I feel a bit mean now. I suppose her heart is in the right place. It's not her fault she can't knit to save herself. It's actually quite a thoughtful, if thickheaded, gesture. Hermione can be good like that…

OK, I'm just going to stop there. I wouldn't want anyone to look over my shoulder and read this. They might think I like her or something.

Cos I don't.

Anyway.

I can see the Quidditch pitch from here. I'd give anything to be out there right now, instead of here. I'd eat Bubotuber Pus. I'd let Seamus charm my hair pink. I'd kiss Eloise Midgeon. Um, then again, maybe not. I'd sooner kiss Hermione than Eloise.

Not that I want to kiss Hermione. I'd just rather kiss her than Eloise.

I don't know why I felt the need to explain that to a piece of parchment. Must be lack of sleep doing strange things to me.

Must stay awake…

Ha ha, now Seamus is charming Neville's hair pink. The stupid thing is Neville's still awake. Never knew Seamus was so good at charms. I'm definitely going to stay awake in class from now on; I don't want him turning my hair pink, no matter what I wrote before. It looks ridiculous. I better warn Neville before class ends.

Wonder what Parvati and Lavender are talking about. They keep whispering and looking at me. Maybe they think I'm good-looking! Maybe they like me!

No, that can't be right, they're looking at Hermione too. I wonder why? She's not doing anything interesting, just writing notes.

Oops. Hermione just looked up and caught me staring at her. She probably thinks I'm asleep with my eyes open. Great.

Wait, she's smiling at me! Oh, she saw me writing; she probably thinks I'm taking notes, haha! Oh no, that means I won't be able to copy hers because she'll think I have my own. Damn. I'll just have to copy Harry's after he copies off her. Hope she doesn't find out.

She has a much nicer smile since she got her teeth straightened. Not that she didn't have a nice smile before. Not that I noticed.

Oh hell.

Hermione is my best friend and nothing else! Yes, she's nice and smart and loyal, but she's also annoying and bossy and a know-it-all and pretty and kind and…

Oh hell.

What's wrong with me? I'm supposed to be writing whatever comes into my head and nearly everything I've written has something to do with Hermione! Anyone would think that means she's in my head constantly. I better burn this as soon as class has finished, I wouldn't want anyone reading this and getting the wrong idea.

Cos it is the wrong idea. _Totally_ the wrong idea. Hermione and I are friends. That's all.

Besides, even if I did like her, why would she like someone like me? I'm stupid and clumsy and tactless and poor and she deserves someone much better than that. Hermione deserves someone who she can have intelligent conversations with, who'll take her out to fancy places and treat her the way she deserves to be treated. Not that I wouldn't treat her right, but…

That's irrelevant. I don't like Hermione and she sure as hell doesn't like me.

I can't believe I wrote all that. This is more than I've ever written in any class, I think. It's actually kind of fun. Perhaps I should do it more often.

Oh, class is ending. I better wake up Harry and get Seamus to fix his hair. I hope Hermione doesn't ask to see my notes…

Reviews are most welcome, even if they're flames!


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